Glossary terms beginning with T
The plain-language glossary behind The Architecture of Intimacy — a field guide to 369 green flags of healthy relationships.
Terms beginning with T
- task initiation task activation
- The mental step of actually starting a task — the switch from intending to do something to beginning it, which can stall even when someone badly wants to act.
- technoference
- The everyday interruptions that phones and other devices introduce into a couple's time together, pulling attention away from the partner and toward the screen.
- theory-of-mind network theory of mind
- Brain regions involved in reading other people's intentions and mental states, letting someone infer what another person is thinking or means by an action.
- third culture third culture building
- A shared couple culture that intercultural partners invent together — not a blend that waters down both heritages, and not a contest one side wins, but something new drawing on both.
- threat appraisal threat state
- Reading a stressor as something likely to overwhelm your resources and harm you, rather than as a demanding-but-manageable challenge.
- thriving through relationships
- Feeney and Collins's model of two support jobs a close relationship does: helping you survive adversity (a safe haven) and helping you reach for growth and opportunity when nothing is wrong.
- tied-mover penalty tied penalty
- The earnings or career setback a partner takes from relocating for someone else's job rather than their own — it comes from being tied to the move, not from moving itself.
- tightwads and spendthrifts spendthrift · tightwad
- Research labels for stable spending temperaments: tightwads feel pain parting with money and spend less than they wish; spendthrifts spend more than they wish.
- time-blindness
- A genuine difficulty sensing, estimating, and tracking the passage of time, commonly associated with ADHD, so a person can run chronically late without any lack of care.
- tone-policing tone policing
- Dismissing a partner's legitimate complaint by attacking how it was delivered — demanding calm or a nicer tone while ignoring the content — often while claiming the moral high ground of composure.
- tonic immobility
- An involuntary freeze response under extreme fear in which a person becomes temporarily unable to move or speak — a body reaction, not a choice.
- toxic positivity
- Upbeat messaging used to dismiss, minimize, or shut down a negative emotion — pressure to feel cheerful ("good vibes only," "just stay positive") instead of making room for the real feeling.
- toxic validation
- Affirming a feeling in a way that also endorses the harmful conclusion or behavior attached to it, so taking someone's side enables control or self-destruction.
- trailing spouse tied mover
- The partner who moves not because the relocation serves their own life or career but because it serves the other partner's — someone who, if single, would not have moved at all.
- trait
- A stable, enduring part of someone's personality — here, curiosity as a lasting disposition — rather than a passing state that rises and falls from day to day.
- trait curiosity curiosity (trait)
- A person's stable, general tendency to seek out and enjoy novelty and new information, treated as a lasting character trait rather than a passing mood.
- trans-diagnostic
- Describing research or traits examined across several diagnostic groups — for example autistic, ADHD, and non-diagnosed adults — rather than within a single diagnosis.
- Transactive Goal Dynamics TGD · transactive goal dynamics theory
- A theory that close partners stop pursuing goals merely side by side and instead merge into one self-regulating system, dividing the work and tracking each other's progress.
- transactive memory system pooled memory · transactive memory
- A division of remembering between partners in which each person specializes, knows what the other knows, and can retrieve information through them.
- transformation of motivation
- The move from acting on raw, moment-to-moment self-interest toward acting on broader considerations that include the partner and the relationship.
- transition to parenthood
- The stretch spanning pregnancy and roughly the first year after a baby arrives, when a couple takes on parenting and the relationship faces new strain.
- transparency by default
- A baseline way of living openly enough that a partner could look in at any moment without surprise — no hidden accounts, secret phones, or compartmented corners.
- trauma dumping trauma-dumping
- Unloading intense, unprocessed emotional material on someone without warning, consent, or attention to whether they can handle it right then — distinct from paced, mutual sharing.
- traumatic bonding trauma bonding
- A strong emotional attachment that forms toward a mistreating partner, driven by cycles of good-and-bad treatment and a power imbalance rather than by genuine safety.
- treatment burden treatment workload
- The whole workload an illness creates beyond the sickness itself: booking appointments, filling and timing medications, decoding instructions, arguing with insurance, and watching symptoms for what needs a call.
- triadic consultation triadic · triadic consultations
- A medical visit involving three people — the doctor, the patient, and a third person such as a partner — rather than only the doctor and patient.
- triangular theory of love
- Sternberg's model that splits love into three parts — intimacy, passion, and commitment — where different combinations produce different kinds of love, such as liking from intimacy alone.
- triangulation feeling caught · triangle · triangled in · triangulate · triangulated · triangulation in reverse · triangulation resistance
- A stress-relief pattern where two people in conflict pull in a third — a parent, friend, or child — to absorb tension the pair can't hold, leaving the real issue unresolved.
- trickle-truthing trickle-truth
- Letting the truth out in small pieces — admitting some details while withholding others, so the full account only emerges gradually across repeated tellings.
- trust repair
- The process of rebuilding a partner's confidence after it has been damaged, for example through an apology, so the relationship can regain a sense of safety.
- Trust Revival Method
- A three-phase process — Atone, Attune, Attach — developed by Gottman for couples recovering from infidelity, deliberately open-ended rather than run on a fixed schedule.
- turning toward turn away · turn toward · turn-toward · turned toward · turning against · turning away · turning toward bids · turning-toward · turnings-toward
- Responding to a partner's attempt to connect with attention, warmth, or interest, rather than ignoring it or reacting with irritation.