A gentle mirror

Notice what already glows.

This is a gentle mirror, not a measuring stick. Drawn from the 369 green flags, it invites you to notice — honestly and without judgment — where your relationship already runs on warmth and responsiveness, and where there’s a little room for more sunlight.

Not therapy, not a diagnosis

This is about noticing, not grading. No relationship shows every green flag, and a thriving partnership can be missing dozens of them. There are no failing scores. A low number is simply a quiet “this could use some sunlight,” not evidence that something is broken.

It’s a self-reflection, never a verdict on your partner. Nothing here diagnoses a person or a relationship; it’s educational writing, not therapy or a substitute for professional help. If you may be in danger or in crisis, please reach out to qualified local support.

Forty-eight quiet statements

For each statement, choose a number from 1 (rarely true) to 5 (consistently true) — whatever feels honest today. If a statement doesn’t fit your relationship, choose Not applicable. Skipping never counts against you: each area is simply the average of the items you answered, so a skip just steps quietly out of the way.

  1. My partner knows my inner world — my worries, my history, the small daily details of my life.
  2. We express genuine fondness and admiration for each other out loud.
  3. We genuinely like each other and choose to spend free time together, not just out of obligation.
  4. My partner thanks me for ordinary, easy-to-miss efforts.
  5. My partner’s face lights up when I walk into the room.
  6. My partner speaks well of me to others, including when I’m not there.
  7. Years in, my partner would still choose me to hang out with even if we weren’t together.
  8. On ordinary days, our kindnesses and jokes far outnumber our gripes.
  9. My partner naturally narrates our life in terms of “we,” “us,” and “our.”
  10. We love to reminisce and retell the story of how we met, with warmth.
  11. We crack up at the same thing at the same time — genuine, shared laughter.
  12. My partner makes clear they genuinely enjoy me — my mind, my company, my quirks — and says so.
  13. When I share good news, my partner lights up and asks me questions about it.
  14. My partner helps me savor and stretch out happy moments.
  15. My partner celebrates my wins with pure gladness, without envy or competition.
  16. My partner remembers to follow up and ask how something important to me turned out.
  17. My partner treats even my small wins as worth marking.
  18. We treat either partner’s good fortune as a shared “we” win.
  19. We laugh together easily and often.
  20. We’re up for trying new things together — a new restaurant, route, or hobby.
  21. We keep playfulness, teasing, and silliness alive, and it stays warm.
  22. We plan adventures, trips, or new experiences as a pair.
  23. My partner comes along to my interests with real curiosity.
  24. We still plan real dates and keep courtship alive.
  25. After hard conversations, I come away feeling truly understood, not just heard.
  26. My partner validates what I feel — “it makes sense you’d feel that way.”
  27. My partner notices my mood shift before I say anything.
  28. My partner stays close while I’m upset rather than fixing or fleeing.
  29. My partner asks whether I want help or just to vent before offering advice.
  30. My partner is steadily, predictably available to me, not hot-and-cold.
  31. My partner turns toward my small bids — looking up from the phone when I say “look at this.”
  32. We open grievances softly (“I feel…”) rather than harshly (“you always…”).
  33. I can state my needs directly, and they’re received without a fight.
  34. We keep small promises — the milk, the callback, the follow-through.
  35. My partner genuinely accepts my influence and will change course after hearing my case.
  36. My partner reaches out with little “thinking of you” messages for no reason.
  37. My partner can self-soothe — taking a breath or a walk before responding while heated.
  38. My partner offers clean accountability — “I messed up” — with no “but” and no blame attached.
  39. My partner owns their own moods rather than making them mine to absorb.
  40. My partner keeps a whole self — friendships, hobbies, and an inner life of their own.
  41. My partner can voice anger without yelling, name-calling, or cruelty.
  42. My partner asks directly for what they want instead of using guilt or sulking.
  43. We make repair attempts — a joke, a touch, “can we start over?” — to break tension.
  44. We let each other’s olive branches land instead of swatting them away.
  45. There is no contempt between us — no mocking, sneering, or sarcasm-as-weapon.
  46. We stay engaged during conflict rather than going cold and stonewalling.
  47. We frame problems as “us against the problem,” not you-vs-me.
  48. We can laugh together again soon after a spat.

Nothing you enter here is saved or sent — the reflection is drawn entirely in your browser and vanishes when you leave.

Hold this lightly

A low number is not a failing. It is only a quiet room asking for a little more light.

Whatever the mirror shows, it names tendencies — never a person and never a partnership. If an area invites care, that’s an ordinary, hopeful thing — a place to nurture, not a wound to fear. The course and the glossary are here whenever you’d like a next small step.